The Nine Steps to a Loving Relationship. Did we forget what love was somewhere along the way?
It's difficult to watch the world on video. Such misconceptions... so much fear, so much doubt and confusion, so much ignorance. Unfortunately, it's the sign of the times. People's attention has been taken from them... like a child... they are traumatized and confused... because that's what they've been trained to be. No previous generation has been more programmed and conditioned than the present.
"They're addicted to the screen and it is their demise." Unless they relearn the truth and complexity of love, they will forever be addicted to the lessor life rather than venturing out for the greater one.
Love is much more than most of us have been told... it's an immense awareness and enlightenment that many have been programmed to fear. I can speak from experience. For many years, from the age of one, I carried a passive aggressive personality that was traumatized into me. No fault of my parents, they were doing the best they could. I thought it was how you got along... like so many others and in the many movies. The archetypal modern man. At some stage it got me to the point I didn't like myself... it became an ongoing internal battle that on many occasions endangered my life. I had to change, I just didn't know how.
Oblivious to far too much of it... I went out into the world wounded... it made life far too difficult at a personal level... so I just ignored it and focused on 'career.' What little love I had... went into my occupation. I became a lonely, somewhat disturbed, and maladjusted person underneath. I endured and caused a great deal of suffering before I was able to uncover a much more beneficial way. If I would have only had some instructions earlier...
Subsequently, I spent a few years looking into defining loving relationships better and conducting numerous interviews for the "Raising Excellence" podcast. My motivation: My own sanity, primarily, my extended circle's benefit, secondarily, much gratitude for the support of my dear friends and family (blood and spiritual); the discoveries along the way certainly made a difference.
If you're interested in a loving relationship, resolve that it's going to take some time. There is no overnight option. even in the rare circumstance that you meet someone you "click with" it takes time and effort. Especially in the present age... people can behave so duplicitous, to the point of being schizophrenic, it is scary. That fear can be overcome. It is your responsibility and you have a choice. Make sure your counterpart is informed in the same. Give them the freedom to have choices as well. This is the most important lesson.
The nine steps to a loving relationship. Practice at focusing on at least one of these nine each day until it becomes a rock solid habit. Then enjoy a life filled with love!
"To love someone is to give them the freedom to be themselves."1. A commitment to learning by being open to question and confront fears, doubts, and ignorance in ourselves and each other. Whenever there is a fear, doubt, or some unknown; before judging, set aside time to rigorously discuss it. Explore feelings, needs, thoughts, desires, causes, influences, humor, actions, and ownership of the idea (who is it serving?)
The next seven are the seven Greek words that relate to the meaningful nature of love. Take each individually and explore it specifically within the relationship. Consider that the first and most important relationship is within yourself. The connection between your yin and yang, conscious and subconscious, mind, body and soul. If this isn't in harmony, then be mindful of the task and duty you have to be in harmony with yourself, first. Consider what excellence is in each of these? Have you achieved it and if not, how do you learn more so that discerning the best from worst becomes clear.
2. Agápe: empathetic, universal love.
Spirit is the catalyst.
The best example:
"Namaste" which literally means "I bow to you."
"The Divine in me recognizes the Divine in You"
"My soul honors your soul. I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the light, love, truth, beauty and peace within you, because it is also within me. In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one."
3. Pragma: committed, companionate love.
Erich Fromm, the psychoanalyst suggested we expend too much energy on "falling in love" and need to learn ho to "stand in love." Pragma is precisely about standing in love - making the effort to give love rather than receive it. The subconscious is the catalyst.
The best examples:
Collaborating on something important to one.
Having patience.
Showing tolerance.
4. Philautia: compassionate self-love.
Aristotle: "All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man's feelings for himself."
The catalyst for Philautia comes from the Soul. We can not offer what we do not have. To truly know contentment is to know Philautia. To truly love another in a healthy way we must learn to understand how to love ourselves in a healthy and balanced way first.
The best example:
The Blackfoot's Breath of Life Model where Self-Actualization is first and at the very foundation of community and cultural development.
Storge is the first love we begin to learn as humans. The stronger the familial bond the more meaning storge has in childhood development. Storge can be displayed in companions, exceptionally close friends, even pet owners and their pets. It is said that Storge is a casual form of love usually based in memories. Memories are the catalyst. Storge is an underlying love driven by the desire to compassionately care for another.
The best example: A parent loving their child.
6. Erotoropia or Ludus: playful, flirtatious love.
Ludas has an undertone of childlike nature. Immature or childish innocence. It's the initial fun that comes early in a relationship. Emotion is the catayst.
The best example:
A first childhood love.
7. Philia: intimate, authentic friendship.
Philia is all about loyalty and comradeship. It encompasses a brotherly love that shows a mutual compassion and respect. The Mind is the catalyst.
The best example:
A life-long loyal friend.
Personal infatuation and physical pleasure. Encompassing sexual and romantic love. It is associated with desire and lust. A complete preoccupation with one another. The body is the catalyst.
The best example:
Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing."
9. Unshakable Faith in the one you love and the love you've meaningfully developed and mastered. Take time to define specifically what makes this loving relationship uniquely special to you and to the rest of the world. Visit this regularly and be well versed in explaining it.
Going through these nine, for those of you who feel particularly unable to attain excellence in one or more of these steps, for whatever reason, do not be afraid to reach out for help. Be grateful you've made the biggest and most difficult step of all, identifying a important need. Frankly, this is going to be an area you will have to be particularly gentle and patient with yourself. It will probably be a stubborn obstacle but be assured that when you overcome it, it will be one of your life's greatest achievements.
Love is a very big subject. An art and science worthy of much practice and attention and worth it! How it came about that we find ourselves lacking in it where we are at is secondary to understanding that our's and our loved one's health and happiness revolve around our mastery of this knowledge and its practice. For those of you fortunate enough to attain it, congratulations! For those of you striving to attain it, be determined to find excellence and you will!
“He who wishes to avenge injuries by reciprocal hatred will live in misery. But he who endeavors to drive away hatred by means of love, fights with pleasure and confidence; he resists equally one or many men, and scarcely needs at all the help of fortune. Those whom he conquers yield joyfully.” ~ B. Spinoza
Respirar Acapulco is an effort to collaborate. Knowledgeable, trustworthy people coming together with a willing community of Acapulco, which is strategically located, fertile ground for entrepreneurs, and has a low cost of living, and a high quality of life. Here, we can demonstrate and breathe life into the tremendous possibilities of tomorrow for truth, freedom, and prosperity for all who desire it, together. You are invited to participate! Join us!.
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